Still feeling utterly poo.

Meh.

I analysed this yesterday on the way to gym. Mainly, at this point in time, I really fear losing my boyfriend. As much as that may be an ungrounded fear, it's still real. We're going to be thousands of miles apart for 3 months. The means for communication will be severely limited. For those three months I'll also be living somewhere I don't really consider "home" any more (South Africa). However, I still carry a South African passport. That's beginning to feel like a curse. Or a chronic disease. 

So, I feel like I'm losing someone I love dearly. And I just don't know where "home" is anymore. No, that's a lie. I think I've done a pretty good job of defining Newcastle as "home" in the past 5 months. So I get to say "goodbye, farewell, so long" for the umpteenth time to "home", and move over to my "homeland" which I don't feel connected to at all anymore. And there I get to be unemployed, overqualified, and of the wrong ethnic background. Also, I get to be paranoid and afraid for my safety, and stuck for transport, since I won't have my car with me. And the bus service in my city (which is the capitol city of the country) works as follows: NO buses after 6pm. Also NO buses on weekends.

A tertiary fear I have has to do with gym access. I cancelled my SA gym membership when I came to the UK. I don't know whether they'll let me join for three months when I'm back. And if they do, I have a feeling I won't be able to afford it. And, no, jogging in the crime-ridden badlands of the streets of Pretoria is not an option. Besides the danger of being a girl alone (and being ogled by the jobless people that always seem to congregate on the streets), there's the constantly stifling heat. No more jogging in lovely Jesmond Dene-type surroundings for me! It'll all be red dust and African poverty.

I just thought I'd update my list of personal or friends' encounters with crime:

And here, in Newcastle? Nope, nothing bad has happened. I forgot to retrieve my £1 locker deposit a few times (from the slot it's kept in while using the locker), and always found it still there, waiting for me the following evening. Also, you can leave your front door open (at home). I wouldn't advise it, but it has happened, and nothing bad came of it. It seems that, in the UK, it's more likely that you go out to look for trouble. In SA, trouble is constantly out looking for you.